Saturday, May 12, 2012

shots in the dark

i'm at a total loss of what to do. my life just feels so shitty. it really does.

i brought up to brian last sunday that maybe we should separate so he could get a feel for what it would be like if he wasn't w/me and wasn't in this "awkward" situation. i just didn't know if it was really the right thing to do. my next counseling session w/jack was the next day...i wanted it bring it up to him. jack said that it wasn't a good idea. he said that people who separate do so b/c they can't get along and have knock-down, drag-out fights and need some time away from each other; as they separate they continue to work on their relationship b/c they want to be together still. we wouldn't be doing it like that so jack said it wouldn't work. i talked to brian that night (he was out of town for work) and told him what jack had said. he ultimately said that he'd stay at home. so, he got home late thursday and i was already in bed. we talked yesterday after we went out for my mother's day dinner at el torito. brian basically said that he didn't understand how we're supposed to live together if it's "awkward". and since he has nothing to work on (from his point of view) then what are we going to do. i basically said he has 2 options....stay or leave....and then i'll take it from there. then after i took my shower he said that what he could think of is that he gets what jack says about us being in the same house but he needs space from me (how sweet) so he was thinking that he could get that by sleeping in our guest room.

yep, the man who married me wants to stay as far away from me as possible. this shouldn't be taken personally though, right? of course not. last night he slept in our bed though. tonight he's going out w/his friend and will stay  at his house b/c they'll be out drinking. again, i'm not sure what jack would say...i'll be back to him on monday. i can't make someone sleep in a bed w/me. i can't choose his actions or behaviors...just like he can't choose what the consequences of his actions will be. that i got from jack.

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